By Natalie Goglia, Palmetto Mortuary
As a funeral director and grief/caregiver support group leader, I find confusion about grief. A lot of us feel grief comes only after the passing of a loved one. However, I contend grief hits us throughout our entire lives, we just do not recognize it as grief.
Grief is about loss and the response to it. We tend to tie it solely to death as it is about major loss, but what about the loss of a job, the loss of a friendship, the loss of freedom after an accident or illness, etc. Grief comes to us in many forms.
Recently, I attended a yoga session where the instructor referred to an old story from Buddhism. This story is about two arrows. The first arrow is the initial pain such as the passing of a loved one, diagnosis of a terminal illness for you or a loved one, some other traumatic event. The second arrow is your response. The second arrow can lessen the pain of the first arrow or can magnify the pain and cause lasting damage. The only person who can control the second arrow is yourself.
This is not to negate the first arrow. The pain is real. The loss is real. The suffering is real. What will you do with the initial results of the first arrow? Will you look back at the life you had before the terminal illness and be thankful for the opportunities afforded to you whether that be the companionship with your loved one or the ability you had to run that marathon prior to losing muscle control? Or will you focus on the life that has been taken from you?
Which choice will bring you joy or pain in the times to come? These are not easy choices and may have to be made every morning, every hour, multiple times throughout the day, but ultimately they are your decisions.
Seek out the circle that leads you to a positive second arrow whether that be friends, family, therapy, a new path to purpose, or a new found love of yourself. Overcome the first arrow.
Grief will not just go away. Time does not heal. Using your time to heal yourself, maybe the help of others will make the sting of grief a little less sharp and you will find yourself reflecting only in love and thankfulness for the life prior to the first arrow.
